Rules for Life

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

26. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

29. You should not confuse your career with your life.

30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

31. Never lick a steak knife.

32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

37. Your friends love you anyway.

38. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

INK!

IT'S HERE!

Prevented from Harassing Wiccans & Pagans, Christains Claim Discrimination

Read the Article Here

Wow. Just, wow. It never ceases to amaze me. These so-called "street-preachers" are quite convinced they have the right to go against the law of the United States (the one that says it's wrong to harass people) and not get in trouble for it!

There is a difference between being conceited and convinced, and these people are it.

WitchSchool on "reality" TV

Witch School set for reality TV debut

Producers keep Hoopeston facility details secret

BY BRIAN L. HUCHEL
Commercial-News
HOOPESTON — In a matter of months, Witch School in Hoopeston hopes to graduate from the world of magic to the ranks of reality TV.

The SCI FI Channel this month revealed its plans to create a reality series about the school at the Television Critics Association’s winter press tour in Pasadena, Calif.

The news comes just six months after the Hoopeston establishment announced it would offer on-site courses at its home at 112 W. Main St.

The lid remains tight on program details.

Witch School chancellor, the Rev. Don Lewis, confirmed the program “is happening,” but couldn’t comment further at the request of NBC executives.

Despite the tight-lipped situation, he couldn’t hide his excitement for the school.

“There are lots of interesting things forthcoming in the future,” Lewis said.

The SCI FI Channel calls the program a “docusoap” about a school for aspiring conjurers. It is being assembled in cooperation with New York-based Stick Figure Productions, which handled the HBO documentary series “Family Bonds” and the UPN reality series “Amish in the City.”


Read more here

Ready or not?

Hoopeston Witch School more messy than scary
BY JOE LARSON

HOOPESTON — Controversy about Witch School has swirled around Hoopeston the last three years, but very few people step inside the building to see for themselves.

If they did, they would probably be surprised — and disappointed.

“Everyone gets this glorious vision of it,” said Witch School CEO Ed Hubbard, 43, of Hoopeston. “We have to start from scratch.”

After operating behind closed doors, the school opened to the public and for classes this week.

“We are in great disarray because we’re rearranging,” added Don Lewis, 43, of Hoopeston. He is the chancellor of Witch School at 112 W. Main St.


Read more here